Kids Don’t Listen

When you have a child you want your child to have better opportunities and preparation for life success than you had. Have a child and you are anxious to guide them to better experiences than you had. Have a child and you want them to take life to the ‘next level’. Disappointing isn’t it when they don’t seem to pay much attention to what we say?

Hasn’t happened yet? It will. ‘Don’t worry’, your friends say. You just need some good workshops, read the best books on child raising and cull some advice from ‘those who know’ and it will be okay. Give it a few years and you realize that the children are still not listening. What’s up?

Once I shared this frustration with someone who understood children. The response was immediate and quite sound. He said: Don’t worry so much that your children are not listening to you; worry that they are always watching you.

Our values, our beliefs, our integrity are pictured everyday in perfect images in how we live. Tell children about good nutrition while eating that greasy hamburger and they know you don’t believe what you say. So why listen?

Words are only powerful when they reflect the life that is modeled. Try telling someone to be calm as you yell at them gives a clear message that anger and frustration is a ruling principle of life. Say whatever you want. I’ll read your behavior.

You are looking for that someone special in life. A devoted lover? A committed spouse? A solid business associate? A business advisor whose advice and counsel you will trust because of their character and integrity? When lives model words you know you have come upon truth, character and integrity. Anything else is a sham.

After all, would you trust your retirement funds with a Broker who gambles and drinks heavily? How about a soul mate who has had more soul mates over the years than you can count using all your physical extremities. How about someone whose words exude commitment and yet has taken symbols of commitment like marriage and relationships and abused them?

Frequently plans are made to celebrate life milestone birthdays with a big party. They are frequently described as ‘BIG parties’. This is the code language to justify ‘getting drunk’ to mark a life milestone. It is okay since such behavior ‘is how my generation celebrates’. Actually, it is how every generation has attempted to celebrate major life milestones since the beginning of time. Those types of celebrations are never noted historically as examples of great achievements.

What does such a person say to his kids and business associates. There are no secret happenings. The children will be watching from afar. Business associates or ‘would be’ Associates will be watching too. So this is how you celebrate a major accomplishment in your life? How do you celebrate a major tragedy in your life?

The child listens to the behavior and ignores the words. This makes sense. Sharp business associates listen to the behavior and ignore the words too. You can only trust people who truly model character and integrity. Our way of living says who we are. Losing your children’s respect and business associates, confidants and true friends is quite a high price paid everyday by those who live under the guise that ‘this is what our generation does’.

Perhaps this type of example is what an internationally renowned Leadership guru meant when he wrote “greed, timidity and lack of vision are rampant among the current crop of pseudo leaders today”.

Leadership begins at home in your heart and your life. Our kids deserve better. We deserve better. I deserve better. You deserve better. It’s time to model the life that we want others to model for us. Nothing ever changes until I change.

Like my wise friend said. ‘Don’t worry so much that your children are not listening to you; worry that they are always watching you.’ They are watching and learning the lesson well.